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FMS or Fibromyalgia—the Invisible Intruder Written by Holly McKimson aka DreamWeaver
FMS—the Invisible Intruder… As a bystander, you can’t see it, touch it, feel it, taste it, or hear it. You may not understand in the least, as to why your spouse suddenly turns off the sex machine, and stops doing housework because she is not feeling well—most or all of the time. The truth is that she is burning up in pain and is exhausted beyond anything you can imagine. She still loves you. Both your lives are about to change drastically. She doesn’t know how to explain what is happening to her. She is afraid of not being like she used to be. She fears that no one who is close to her will be supportive, and think it’s all in her head—that she will be abandoned and laughed at. Meanwhile, you feel abandoned. So why does she feel like this? FMS is believed to be caused by a trauma such as a car accident, or some other incident that has been traumatic to you at some point in your life. The medical community is still baffled by FMS. When I was first diagnosed with FMS, no one seemed to know anything about it. The best explanation I received was that my muscles were unable to sleep, and it caused severe muscle pain. Ok, I already knew that. My question was, what medical cure was there to make me feel better? Most practitioners did not know how to test for it, treat it, or even begin to study it. FMS…How do we explain to someone who has not experienced it, what it is and how it affects our daily lives, and their daily lives? Those who have not suffered from FMS, often have no clue as to why we cannot, and do not live what would be considered a “normal” life. Some will explain FMS as being like the flu. However, I have to add something to that description. It is like having the flu 24/7, 7 days a week, 52 weeks out of the year. Some days are better than others, but it’s always there. Imagine if you would, having the worst flu you can conceive, and then add suffering through it for every moment for the rest of your life. Sometimes days seem almost normal. We attempt to get everything done we possibly can in that time, no matter how bad the pain is. However, both our mental and physical energy has to be what we consider high for having FMS. Of course, it would be considered low for a normal person. We have learned our energy burns out, and the severity of our pain will strike so hard we won’t function. Our “tiredness” makes it hard to concentrate, and we seem to off in “la la land.” We have what has become known as “brain fog.” However, when we go to bed and try to sleep, we simply pull up the covers, and lay there being tortured with pain that prevents sleep. When we do sleep, we wake up fatigued, and feel like we have been hit by a truck. Our bodies constantly nag at us with pain that gnaws, bites, stabs, burns, tingles, stings, and buzzes throughout our muscles within our entire body. It’s never ending. If you can, imagine being in a simulator that would jab you with a knife over and over again, while at the same time zap you with an electrical buzzer. After that begins, imagine being kicked in your muscles until you bleed and pass out. If that is not enough, imagine being forced to awaken with drugs that suppress sleep, and being drug by your feet across spikes. Is that bad enough yet? Awwww…the next step in the simulator would force you to run even if you can no longer run--your body pleads for sleep and rest. But no, you are not allowed to sleep or rest. You are now in so much pain you want to die. You are exhausted, your eyes are pried open, your body injected with drugs, and you are forced to stay awake. Your heart races, and your body twitches. You are in absolute agony. You are in your worst nightmare. You body aches, burns, bites, gnaws, and stings. I know…this is an extreme dramatization as to what FMS is like, but to get my point across, I wanted to use this example, simply because of the pictures we form within our minds. FMS causes so much pain that is unexplainable to those who do not have it. If it would resolve itself like a flu or cold, it would not be bad. However, it does not go away, and it does not go away over night—if at all. The flu is the very light version of FMS. FMS steals special moments and friends away. Basically it steals our lives away. Until FMS was recognized by the medical community, we were told it was “all in our heads.” With today’s medical advancements, we may not have a cure for everyone, but we now know it is not in our heads. In my opinion, one of the most upsetting things about FMS is the lack of physical touch, socializing, and the lack of everything that is offered through real life affection and attention. It seems our social lives are no more--gone, and without return. At least we feel that way, because we always feel so fatigued and sickly. We literally feel we have to force ourselves to go out, to visit with friends, spend time with our significant other, and do those things we want so badly to do. Even talking on the phone can become a chore. Life is not fun anymore, and often we feel we are a burden to those around us. We feel left out of life. We feel like a “sub-human.” A significant other who is a “normal” individual, often can’t understand why we don’t consent to have intimate sexual moments with them like we used to. You both feel inadequate and abandoned. We have trouble explaining the pain we endure, while they think we don’t want them (which is not usually the case). Eventually if they do not understand, we often sabotage our relationship in some unconscious way, or we part ways. Significant others, who we love and who love us back, often cannot conceive of what is happening to us. They do not understand how one day we seem to be so energetic, and then bedridden for days at a time. They do not understand that we are always in pain and always fighting fatigue. We are always feeling like we have the flu, or worse. We are always “sick”, though not contagious. Some of us try not to complain, because we don’t want to concentrate on the pain, or we think or know, we will be ignored and shown no compassion—no understanding. We try to be “normal” without success, and it frustrates us. We feel inadequate because we cannot do those things so taken for granted by most people—walking distance, throwing a ball, taking a ride, swimming, or socializing. It’s not that we don’t want to participate in normal activities—it’s that we don’t have the strength to participate. We have either given up on our dreams, or still struggle to keep them alive. Dreams seem to be just that—dreams. We become extremely frustrated when we don’t have the energy to do things the way we used to. If we are in a relationship with a lot of affection and love, we are one of the lucky ones. That is because we need affection and tenderness given toward us, otherwise we go into a state of depression and anxiety. We already feel useless and inadequate. If you are the other half in a relationship where he or she has FMS, remember we are suffering all the time. We need and want you more than ever. We need your love and caring—your tenderness and thoughtfulness. We cannot do what a “normal” healthy person can. Most of all we need you to believe in us, no matter what. It seems stress and foods we eat, play a huge factor in FMS. Stress seems to be a main trigger to severe pain. MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) is often also another factor in FMS. MCS is something most people don’t understand unless they suffer from it. I was diagnosed with this strange illness a few years ago. Since it is so misunderstood, I usually don’t bring it up. With MCS and the foods of today, it doesn’t surprise me when I have a bad reaction to them. However, many people still do not understand how people can have food allergies and adverse reactions to the environment around them. Years ago a doctor told me that most people who go through the pain I do, either commit suicide or drug oneself to death because of depression. That was not very encouraging. It in fact, was rather depressing. If you are involved with a Fibromyalgia sufferer: If you are in a relationship with one who has FMS, don’t expect them to be “normal.” They aren’t. If you expect them to be able to do all the things they used to—don’t. They can’t. If you expect to have a normal sex life—don’t. You won’t. It’s over or mostly over depending on the severity of the FMS. If you expect the house to be in order and kept clean on a regular basic—do it yourself. She or he won’t be able to, and if they do clean the house, expect them to be in bed for a couple of days or more. If you expect them to be socializing all the time—forget it. They can’t. If you expect them to be alert and remember everything you say and do—don’t. They can’t. They are too fatigued. If you think they are sleeping, they probably aren’t. Forget it. They don’t “sleep”. If you expect them to have the energy you do—forget it. They don’t. If you are invited somewhere, expect them to be excited to get out of the house, but also expect that they may not feel up to it once the time arrives. It’s not that they don’t want to venture outside the walls of home-- it’s that they are not well enough. Also know that once they are out and about, they may want to go home because the pain is too much—even though they may not show it, or tell you about it. You should know the pain is there. It never goes away. They have to force themselves to “pretend” to enjoy what they are doing, and force themselves to not become a “hermit.” If they make it through the evening or day with friends, they are thankful. If you can’t give support and love to the relationship, go away. They don’t want to feel they are a burden to anyone, and they don’t want you around if you can’t be supportive. Don’t forget them in your life and plans, even if they have to decline. It makes them feel wanted and needed. Don’t forget to tell them you care about, and love them. They need it more now than ever before. Words don’t exist in the grave, so tell those you love, “I love you,” everyday of their existence. Don’t forget they would do anything to be “normal” again. Don’t forget they have not forgotten what it is like to be “normal,” or at least are trying not to forget. Don’t forget they have feelings too. Don’t use them as your doormat. Don’t think they have stopped loving you because they turn down having sex with you. It’s because it’s too painful, and the end results put them in bed for days at a time. They often feel inadequate because of this. Don’t think they don’t get depressed, and want to die. Often they do. That is when they need you to be there for them. They don’t want to ask for help, and once again they don’t want to tell you of their pain. They often go off by themselves and cry for hours because they hurt so much—just wishing someone would come into the room, and tell them they care. Don’t think they don’t want to be touched, cuddled, or held. Most do, even if it hurts. Even if it results in just a gesture, it shows you care. However, there are those who would rather be left alone, but in my case, I would rather have someone who shows they care. Self-esteem is often lost because they are not able to participate in the activities they once loved. They feel inadequate and useless. Even if they say they don’t need you, they do more than ever. They don’t want to be dependent on anyone, but they need you to be supportive, and be there for them. Since the effects and symptoms are so varied, it takes a professional to diagnose if it is truly FMS, and not something with mimicking features. FMS symptoms are many. Each individual’s symptoms are different depending upon its severity. Basically, a “normal” lifestyle doesn’t fit into the agenda. Most importantly, don’t give up on the ones you love and care about—in good health or in bad.
FMS is a real affliction. Most believe there is no cure. However, there are testimonies from those who claim to have cured it. Just like any disease or syndrome, there are those who go into remission, or there are those who think they have rid their bodies of FMS with natural supplements, exercise, medical care, massage, and many other treatments. I am not one of the lucky ones who have successfully rid my body of FMS. It won’t take over night to rid my body of something I have endured for over 20 years (along with my back and neck injuries), but I have found something that helps me, or at least I believe it helps. Perhaps that is half the battle—belief and hope.
An article on the Internet I found to be very interesting is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibromyalgia I hope this article has help you understand a bit about Fibromyalgia. Even if the links below only interest you for building a knowledge and information base, I welcome you to some very exciting products and information. Links that can help those who have FMS, and other syndromes and illnesses: http://www.sharethecause.com/toxicdreams http://www.thegiantdiscovery.com http://www.supermushroominfo.com http://www.mywaiora.com/473504
Once you visit the sites, I know it will change your life in some small way, or have a huge impact upon it. Please feel free to contact me for further information at dreamweaverthere@gmail.com and my associate and I will contact you with more information. Thank you for visiting, and come back soon. ©Copyright 2008 Holly McKimson All Rights Reserved
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